Archive for communication

The slut returneth

Posted in FemDom, getting all metaphysical, male submission, my darling slut, the scene with tags , , , , , , on June 7, 2009 by Maitresse

Yes, my darling slut has his blog up and running again. He was actually quite upset when he found it was suspended. I had to give him a good spanking and a cuddle before we went out.

Turns out one of the links weren’t ‘our sort of people’. Well, that’s sorted now and we can continue tapping away happily. In the meantime I was having a look around for possible alternatives for him. There are a couple of sites that use WordPress to run their blogs, but none are as quick or comprehensive as the Press itself. Then there’s blogger which allows adult content but the interface isn’t quite as smooth as this. *shrug* Horses for courses.

It’s a little odd to experience a kind of separation anxiety when one’s partner is no longer on the same host. Unexpected. Particularly since the whole thing started off as a bit of an experiment. I started this one and invited him to be a co-author…. During the login he began his own and away we went. There’s even a bit of a competition going as to stats LOL. I did tell him I was going to take lots of photos of his spanked arse so I could generate more traffic. Since he’s my slut it is appropriate for me to use his body like that if I please. That was when his library of vintage BDSM comics came out… The big guns.

No doubt we’ll see how all that progresses. In the meantime it’s nice that we’re back together as a blogging BDSM couple. By this stage I guess you’re either warm and fuzzy or about to be ill. Hehe.

Aside from blogly matters this weekend sees me replete with lovely new lingerie and a very sexy satin nightie. No, not black. Subtle coffee coloured satin with a black lace trim. I also picked out some new underwear for my slut, which fits him *very* well. You may get to see some photos of that in the near future.

I’ll add one final thought, in a story. Lately a few of our fellow BDSMers have been pondering communication between dom and sub. How do you bring up an uncomfortable topic? When do you share something with a partner relating to your submission or domination. This is something that can be tricky, like all communication between humans. Particularly when you’re maybe in a dom or sub frame of mind. There are times when my darling slut is feeling very submissive and as soon as I’m in the door he’s on his knees worshiping me. Other times I’m feelilng like a Domme. If you’re spending a lot of time with a person odds are you’re not going to be in that role all the time.

Yesterday we went to a couple of sex shops looking for some rings for the strap on and a new dong. At one point we’d picked out a lovely sparkly purple silicon dong. Somewhat longer and thicker than what we’d been using previously. At the checkout the thirty something long haired gentleman was informing us that silicone lube could not be used with this particular model, nor oil. Not oil? Water based only, he asserted. This was not good news. The only lube we use is copha which is vegetable oil.

At this point there was an opportunity to have a bit of a play. I approached and enquired about the use of vegetable oil based lubes for them. Both the guys blushed. I must admit it was a bit of a rush, since they were now thinking about the use of a strap on dildo all lubed up and ready to go…

By the time we arrived home I was in a Domme headspace. My slut wasn’t feeling terribly submissive so it was necessary to do a bit of work on him before I fucked him. He’ll probably tell you all about the things I was saying to him as I whipped him. The dirty little slut begged me to fuck him like he deserved. Every time he opened his mouth without saying “yes Mistress” or “please Mistress” he was whipped again.

When I did fuck him with the new dong it was wonderful. I made him my bitch. He really loves a good hard fucking and I must say I’m a bit bruised from pumping him so hard.

When we were lying in bed cuddling, I asked him how it all went from his perspective. “We need a bigger dildo.” There are definitely times when I don’t ask for feedback because anything he says is going to seem like disrespect. Other times though it’s like management, good care and feeding of your new slut. He is an affectionate and loving human being. His submission is a gift to me that I treasure. As his training continues and he gets harder whippings or bigger strap ons I want to know how it’s feeling for him.

I guess I agree with what thumper and Lexi are thinking. You know it’s necessary to communicate in a D/s relationship particularly when you’re playing with corporal punishment. But it can be really tricky.

From time to time you hear about “do me subs” or “topping from the bottom” when a sub or bottom is percieved to be demanding or trying to run the show. It can be hard to say just where that line is and it probably varies from person to person. Before I found my darling slut I did encounter a number of male subs who didn’t particularly care about me as a person at all, who simply wanted someone to step in and act out a role in their fantasy. Needless to say I’m not sitting around in my lovely satin lingerie now with any of them.

Between two people in a relationship though, especially in a situation where there is an imbalance of power, there needs to be scope for the person in the submissive position to be able to maintain their personal boundaries or at least their control over how they wish to give them up. If something makes you genuinely uncomfortable, you should be able to say it. It might need waiting for the right moment… You don’t want to bring up a distaste for anal sex, for instance, in the middle of a heavy flogging.

Whenever my slut comes to me with something to say about how we’re playing or what we’re planning, I love to hear it. Recently I’d suggested he wear his collar to a particular place in public. About half an hour later he came and knelt before me and asked if I would reconsider. He wasn’t comfortable with it. He’s my sub and not a slave. Even if he was, I’d still consider what’s in his interest as a person and as my own lover.

Whether he’s using safe words during a scene or discussing his experiences with me outside of roleplay, I respect his boundaries. It would certainly be very uncomfortable if he didn’t offer any feedback about how his training is progressing and how he’s feeling about the relationship. There’s a difference between being the Domme, having the whip hand, and flying blind pushing another person around.

That’s my .02 anyways. YMMV